No.57 - 'Noises Off'
Dear James,
I don’t know whether you are a theatregoer or not but you may have heard of a play by Michael Frayn called ‘Noises-Off’. The author is quoted as saying that a play ‘is often funnier from behind than in front’. In the play, a theatre director loses the plot behind the scenes (hence the ‘Noises-Off)’ and the whole production descends into farce. Remind you of anything?
Let’s face it James, your party had more than its fair share of ‘Noises-Off‘ last week. The first came at the launch of the Boris campaign when the press were allowed six questions – all unanswered. One of those questions related to his remarks about Muslim women and letterboxes. Before the questioner had finished his question, we heard a large part of the Tory party audience erupt in an involuntary roar of pain and bullying anger. It was half jeer, half outrage at the audacity of the question. The mask had slipped. The cat was out of the bag. Here was the primal Tory scream. How dare the press ask such an obvious question to their privileged and preferred candidate?
The second round of ‘Noises-Off ‘came on Saturday in the first of sixteen Tory hustings designed to choose our next PM. Each of the two candidates was allowed a 45 minute presentation with questions from a mediator. The night before there had been reports of a disturbance at the flat Mr Johnson shares with his girlfriend who was heard screaming. Mr Dale, the mediator, therefore asked the obvious question. Was character important in the choice of our next PM? Again before the question was finished, the primal roar came back from the audience. In it we could hear the derision, the resentment, the fury of the entitled being robbed of their inheritance to rule without questions. Tory hypocrisy was being revealed in all its ugly glory.
But, of course, the real Noise-Off’ came from the actual voice of Carrie Symonds, current girl friend of Boris and a former Tory party Head of Press. It was she who had been heard by a neighbour, screaming at Boris, ‘Get off!’ and ‘Get out of my flat’. The neighbour reported that there was a lot of ‘slamming and banging’. Allegedly she yelled, "You just don't care for anything because you're spoilt. You have no care for money or anything.". I am tempted to think that Boris was in his cups, depressed at the prospect of having to actually think about his content. Of course, I may be wrong but I see him preferring skimming off headlines like a kid with a stone next to a pond than to actually cogitate. Boris is like Trump but, unlike him, he is sensitive to publicity that reveals him as an unthinking dullard.
Boris has since refused to discuss these affronts to his good standing. When pressed, he said that people did not “want to hear about that kind of thing” for which he was cheered by his audience. Johnson’s team, of course, started a black campaign against the neighbour. It was just a normal family spat which every couple has occasionally. Entirely understandable. Entirely forgivable. We all have them.
But Boris is standing to be our next PM. There is no smoke without fire. No noise off with out real life consequences ‘on’. Max Hastings worked with him on the Daily Telegraph. “Boris is a gold medal egomaniac…his chaotic public persona is not an act – he is indeed, manically disorganized about everything but his own image management.” “He is not a man to believe in, to trust or respect, save as a superlative exhibitionist. He is bereft of judgment, loyalty and discretion.” That is some reference!
Boris’s support has dropped from 27% to 11% according to today’s Survation poll. But your party is still determined to back this imposter. On the plus side however you must realise that your own man may now be in with a chance James?
Not so fast though. As someone has already said, the Tories are now offered a choice between a public school ‘Head-Boy’ in Mr Hunt or the public school ‘Bounder’ in Mr Johnson. Both are claiming to get us out of the EU by October 31st and willing to contemplate a no deal. I am afraid it all sums up the state of your party. Lies, hypocrisy and pure fantasy seem to be the rule of today. Even with the nice, Mr Hunt.
So while the nation prepares for yet more ‘Noises-Off’, I am afraid your party has already been exposed for the behind the scenes shambles which it is. It is so sad. Rather than leave the scene gracefully, your diehard old guard wish to go out fighting from their ancient trenches. To paraphrase Michael Frayn, your party ‘is more tragic from behind than in front.’
And it could all be resolved so easily James. Rather than subject the nation to this prolonged farce of ‘Noises-Off’ and other distractions, why not just ask the people for their opinion! What’s there to fear James? You might even win honestly this time round!
Kind regards,
BH - Your Concerned Constituent