No. 102 - The Climate Emergency - The Ice Sculptures Melt as Boris Fails to Turn Up.
Dear James,
Last night Channel Four aired a debate on climate change and invited the leaders of all the parties to participate. All leaders appeared except for Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage. In their place Channel Four placed two ‘empty chairs’ in the form of ice sculptures of the planet which, of course, slowly melted during the debate. Tory Central Office exploded in righteous indignation and accused Channel Four of breaking its duty of impartiality. Channel Four defended themselves by saying the invitations were for leaders only and Mr Gove, who your party put up in Boris’s place, is clearly not a leader. Nevertheless, your party has written to Ofcom accusing the station of a ‘provocative partisan stunt.’ Talk about calling the kettle black! I think your party ‘doth protest too much’.
What does this sorry tale tell us James? Well, apart from the suggestion that your party does not consider climate change to be at the top of their agenda, it tells us that the Tory party marionettes have lost their grip in this instant. The new kid on the block, one called Mr Isaac Levido, an Australian political strategist who worked with Boris in his London campaigns, has replaced at least temporarily the old eminence grise, Dominic Cummings, as the manipulator extraordinaire of your party James. Mr Cummings has clearly been deemed too ‘toxic’ for the current fragile situation. Whether his withdrawal is temporary or not we wait to see. Mr Levido’s role has been defined as instilling message discipline and showing clear leadership. Mr Levido however has one central mantra. Use Boris wherever you can but avoid exposing him to intelligent scrutiny.
Yesterday, Mr Levido was in a cleft stick. Either risk putting Boris into a situation of reasoned debate and exposing him to the cut and thrust of detailed interactions or leaving the seat empty. Because Mr Levido knows that Boris is a great shaker of hands but a poor performer in the brains department. Boris cannot do detail. His details are usually pure inventions that spring from his verdant imagination according to the needs of the moment. This is why Boris has been unable to commit so far to subjecting himself to the incisive interrogation of the BBC’s Andrew Neill. Yesterday our blond bombshell attempted to fend off, seven times, questions as to why. With his shallow smile flickering in boyish semi-embarrassment over yearning bonhomie, he referred to the powers that be in his organisation to make that decision for him. He was of course referring to Mr Levido. Mr Levido knows that the handshaking, bounteous Mr Johnson is his best bet in this scrap. However, expose his deficiencies in the brain department and he becomes evasive, ridiculous and an object of mockery for any one with half a brain. Mr Levido has already removed the toxic persons of Cummings, Rees-Mogg and the other arch-Brexiteers from the public gaze and uses only very carefully the other partially toxic services of Messrs Gove, Hancock and Javid on a need by need basis. Boris is great in glad handing the general public. He is appalling when dealing with intelligent questions.
Meanwhile Tom Watson of the Labour Party has written to Ofcom to urge the regulator to "call out this meddling". He adds, "Boris Johnson has banned the Daily Mirror from its battle bus, ducked the Andrew Neil interview and now attempted to bully Channel 4." The party itself has accused Mr Johnson of "hiding from scrutiny" and its questions include: "Are you scared of Andrew Neil?"
In the end James, we are talking about character. Despite Mr Levido’s efforts it has been clear for many years, that Boris Johnson is a classic populist. He loves adulation and hates interrogation. He avoids difficult questions such as the third runway at Heathrow and is now ducking and diving to avoid the scrutiny of serious debate. Is this the man we want as Prime Minister? Meanwhile, the glaciers continue to retreat, the ice caps continue to melt, our sea levels rise and all your party can do is to complain to Ofcom.
You have kids James. I wonder what they saw as the ice sculptures melted during last night’s debate? I know what the cartoonists saw. I can’t wait to see their handiwork!
Kind regards,
BH - Your Concerned Constituent